Publishing your truth every day for the world to see is an interesting exercise in letting go of others perceptions of you.
Sometimes I feel hesitant to share my emotions publicly.
Not because I feel ashamed or embarrassed about them.
Not because I'm trying to avoid pain.
Not because I'm afraid of retelling challenging experiences.
Yes, those are sometimes reasons. But today I'm talking about a different kind of hesitation here.
It's more because when I type words and hit "publish," there is a certain permanence to it. People are then free to read those words, and they often form their own limited perceptions about who I am.
That's fine, except those words aren't who I am. They are simply how I was feeling AT THAT MOMENT. Which is already in the past, by the way.
Even the writing process itself often helps me to heal or transmute whatever emotions I was feeling at the time, and thus by the time I hit "publish" I don't even feel that same level of hurt or sadness or anger or even happiness. It's already in the past. I've moved on.
Yet people then relate to me as a person based on a single piece I wrote. Like this one.
The challenge with that is, I'm already a different person than I was at the time I wrote it. And I tend to evolve more quickly than most people, so that further adds to the disconnect.
Additionally, I am a human being. Seriously. I have emotions that come and go all the time, like most people do. It's no big deal. It's in our nature.
But I share my rapidly changing emotions in public, which means I face being seen as moody, childish, ADD, etc. Daily writing forces me to expose all parts of myself, not just the positive and refined traits I posses and hand-pick to share.
My saving grace is that I always do my best to allow my authentic "beingness" shine through in every piece of writing (not to get too spiritual on you).
So even if someone does start to converse with me based on something I wrote that's not so relevant to me any more, I can usually resolve that fairly quickly by simply coming from my truth in that moment. Then I watch their perception shift as they get a real-time update on how I have evolved since that last post they read. Which is really kinda cool now that I think about it.
One final insight I'd like to share on this subject is that I always feel a little weird hitting publish on posts that make me appear unstable, confused, or shaken because ever since Burning Man last year, I've had this deep sense of peace that lives under any emotional state I'm experiencing. So I almost feel like I'm half lying if I talk about feeling depressed, because there's a part of me that's simply shrugging and smiling at it. That peaceful part of me, my spirit/soul/higher self, realizes the deeper truth that all emotions pass and that ultimately it knows I'm going to be okay and make it through this.
Yet still, I know I must honor and accept my present-moment emotions for them to actually pass, and thus I will continue to express my raw self every day.
If any of this piece came off as complaining, that wasn't my intention. I simply find it interesting that little pieces of my past self now live in cyberspace for anyone to find and read.
Does that make me a time traveler of sorts?